TSONAS FLAUNTS NEW UPGRADE TO MULTI-THOUSAND DOLLAR INVESTMENT

12 April 2021

Its the kind of spending only a bench player could dream of.

As Tsonas rolls into Monday night bearing his personal line-up of sweatbands, reverberating from him is a re-invigorated swagger.

The Tropics small forward is currently sitting in the back end of a lucrative deal penned at the end of 2017. Negotiations were heavily back ended to keep Cuthbert with the franchise, in what was an era littered with Tropics silverware. Since then, Tsonas has made clear to those around him the kind of taste that craves quality and opulence.

By seasons end in 2019, he had visited extravagant overseas cities, upgraded to sleek and sporty blue cars and tipped cash into outer-urban investment properties. When officially becoming the highest paid player in the league in 2020, Tsonas then indulged in a cavalcade of home design upgrades and weekend partying.

Most notable, are the continual enhancements made to his 200x15sqm property north of Mill Park. In particular, the most recent and outlandish purchase of a personal, custom-made, prefabricated Cimmerian letter box. Proposed to have a rendered finish, the letter snatching, hinge vaulted simulacrum will stand at the front of his property as an effigy to his success.

The monument tops a list longer than the eye could process, with fans now branding him as ‘the scrupulous Stevie cash-own-us’. By upgrading his letterbox, he joins rare, elitist company who dare wickedly to make a splash in society. The numbers are expected to feature a gold plated finish and positioned in a horizontal template.

But when exactly did Tsonas metamorphosize into the grifty high-roller fans idolise?

Player-agent and marketing analyser Brock Mincer believes that the turning point came around the time of the Tropics recent Christmas party in 2020. A boozy night at the Mernda Pub was rumoured to have been mostly shouted by Tsonas and since then on, momentum has surged the wiry forward into a life of piss and doofs.

As we turn the corner that was a demolition in 2020, and arrive in a new year, there on the horizon is a fancy new letterbox. It marks a house full of upgrades, and contains a man possessed by fame. Some of the older fans fear the worst, after seeing past superstars grow too big for their boots, spiralling into a life of discontentment and chaos.

But until that day, Tsonas continues to ride the tropical wave one break at a time, on a monetary board, sculpted from the double-sided knife that is fame and fortune.

Brett Mail-Millerbox Elliot – TROPICS Media