TROPICS INTOXICATED BY STRONG MIMOSA

23 March 2021

It is a cocktail commonly enjoyed in elegant laneways, ceremonial functions, and high-class business events. A composure of champagne and chilled citrus juice, usually orange. It is a choice of alcohol served in a flute on a tropical beach somewhere exotic.

But in round 1, it bubbled its way into the new season with an entirely difference façade. It came packed with a punch, and it was served by an opposition desperate to shake up the market. Mimosa 2, instead named after the popular street in Mill Park that bares the town’s only outdoor street basketball court, made a devastating mess of the Tropics on Monday night.

A final score-line that read 77 – 29 hides no secrets.

It was abysmal.

Registering 2 fouls for the entire game, the Tropics could not have caught covid if they tried. They were no-where on defence and dis-illusioned on offence.

Not a single minute was owned by the Tropics tonight, and for that, there cannot be a breakdown analysis. Instead, we were left with no other option, than to begin an autopsy.

Cuthbert – Vodka Cruiser or a Content loser?Once a player loved by all and palatable for the tastebuds of an entire neighbourhood. Started on the bench and might as well have stayed there, concerns are heavy.

Romano – Peroni or Pretender?A bombshell preseason with leading scorer credentials, loved by Italians, made by Italians. Shot 3 – 12 from the field and 0-4 from range. Perhaps not the ilk of a section 2/3 bar.

Tsonas – Mythos Hellenic to bitter Carlton or VICUsually, more steals than a dan murphys special, has been on the sesh for 3 straight months now and it’s effecting his game.

Paul – Stella Artois to No-ShowAppears in the biggest events of the season, someone forgot the pallet because tonight was a dry zone, B.Y.O.

Macali – Manhattan Cocktail with a dash of saltCommonly a cult figure behind the scenes, will not improve until he settles his differences with the media. A cardinal criticiser of financial/cultural directions Miller pushes, needs to smoothen himself out.

Wanless – Furphy Lager or Trade Table Barder?Has increased rapidly in value, potentially playing out of position. A watch-and-see.

Krause – That shit german beer he seems to likeUnder an injury watch, carrying something.

The Tropics are aging poorly on the tastes and favours of their fans, unless they can turn it around soon, they’re going to find themselves at the back of the fridge.


Perhaps it’s time for a fresh brand, maybe its time to turn to a Millers, to Chill the heat on the struggling franchise.

Bart Ender – TROPICS Media